4 of Coins Reversed - Fear of Intimacy

"For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" Mark 8:36

In a relationship the 4 of Coins can put the highlight on boundary issues and stability. A reversed 4 of Coins can either indicate a lack of healthy boundaries - a sense of being invaded, watched or controlled by the other person, or a fear of intimacy that leads to two separate castles, complete with drawbridge and mote, instead of one.

When I pulled the 4 of Coins from the Legacy of the Divine Tarot this morning, the first thing that attracted my attention was the man's body language - how he clutches his coins and almost seems to be inhaling them. This is mine, mine... my preciousssssss...

A love relationship needs intimacy on all levels to stay alive. Spiritual intimacy is probably the hardest to come by these days. Most of us simply don't know how any more. We're so used to hiding behind our material needs. Media tells us we need to live in a perfectly designed and decorated house to be happy. We also need the latest car and our children need the latest Wii games and mobile phones... Then we can relax and focus on spiritual intimacy in the relationship... Oh no, wait! I forgot to shave my legs and we're out of milk. "Honey, you'd better pick up another couple of things while you get the milk for us."

"Sweetheart, I'm tired"

"I'm shattered, darling"

Not tonight.

Tomorrow.

Some of us are too tired to even give any juice to that which bonds us physically... The hugs, kisses, caresses... A quick, soulless shag replaces that spiritual union that love-making should be...

Intellectual intimacy? How is that possible when all that he seems interested in are the latest football scores or she spends her life catching up on episodes of Eastenders and Coronation Street? Sharing stories, sparkling conversation, asking questions, dying to know the inner workings of your beloved... Talking about how you can work together to create the changes you want to see in your lives and the lives of your children... or even in the world!

Emotional intimacy? Do we even know what our beloved needs to feel good? Emotional intimacy cannot be separated from the other three kinds of intimacy. Essentially we can only fulfill the need for emotional intimacy by making sure the other three types of intimacy receive equal attention. Our emotions gauge how balanced and harmonious we are in the relationship with our beloved.

In the 4 of Coins reversed, we see a man who hides his fear of intimacy behind his material possessions. Something has made him lose his footing. Did he fall in love? Does the world seem different because someone rocked it? But he only knows what is already his... It's all that is familiar to him and he's not letting go, not for anyone... He cannot risk that which he knows for the unknown... He cannot risk it because he does not know himself, and his deepest fear is that he will lose himself.

2 of Coins - Juggling moments of bliss

The 2 of Coins in the Legacy of the Divine Tarot shows a court jester on a bicycle without a handle bar. Rather than focusing on using his arms to hold the balance and steering the bike, he is using his arms to clutch two massive coins. The coins are engraved with the symbols of Jupiter and Capricorn.

All 2's are about choice and harmonising polarities. The 2 of Coins (Earth Element) is concerned with physically manifest reality. So what could the focus be when we pull the 2 of Coins as our card of the day?

It feels very synchronistic that I pulled this card today, because to me the 2 of Coins is all about being present and fully embodied in the moment. In the last week or so I have been experiencing moments of bliss that simply stem from relaxing into the moment and choosing to see the perfection of that moment.

Perhaps the 2 of Coins is the perfect symbol for this kind of spiritual immersion in physical reality. Jupiter allows for an expansion of the fire of Spirit in pefectly organised Capricorn physical reality. In quantum physics terms it could be described as that by choosing to see perfection in the moment, reality around us organises itself into a state of perfection.

It is no coincidence that Tarot artists historically used the 2 of Coins (or Pentacles, or Disks) to display their name. On some level, someone would have sensed the connection between the 2 of the Earth Element and the fact that we can choose to be co-creators with the perfection of the Universe in every moment. Surely, this energetic space must be every creative person's best friend!

But what if this awareness and ability to relax into the perfection of each moment could be used for a different purpose...? (Trust a pragmatic Capricorn Tarotist to ask this quesion!) What would it be? Could it be used to simply recharge our batteries?

A friend and I were talking last night about how nice it would be to go on a holiday. I haven't been on one since before my youngest was born, 8 years ago, so I could certainly do with a week away somewhere nice and warm. But what good would that holiday be if I wouldn't be able to relax my mind into enjoying each moment? Let's say I used the first three days of my week's holiday fretting about how different everything is, worrying about not having put enough SPF50 on and whether or not I'd get a tummy bug from drinking the local water. And imagine using the latter part of the week worrying about turbulence on the flight home...

Well, this is how most of us live our lives! Very rarely are we completely in the moment. But when we are, when we fully immerse ourselves like children in the perfection of a moment - even if it only lasts minutes - we regenerate ourselves more than most people do during a week's holiday.

Affirmation: I allow my spirit to relax and expand into the infinite perfection of physically manifest reality.

I love you the world!

"All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love."
-- Leo Tolstoy

The World card in the Legacy of the Divine Tarot is one of my favourite interpretations of the World archetype. Here is the jubilant Fool. The World is still at his feet but there is one big difference. He is no longer wearing his mask. He has taken it off and is holding it in his hand. The symbology of this one action speaks volumes.

The hour glass at his feet has run out, indicating the end of a period, cycle or era. Saturn, the Father of Time, is the planetary correspondence for the World card. It is quite possible that a karmic lesson has been completed successfully when this card shows up.

The Fool flings his arms wide open, exposing and expanding his heart.

"I am love. I am compassion. I AM that I AM" reverberates throughout the Universe.

So what does this card mean in a relationship? If you were thinking that you may have turned a corner and that things are now looking up, this is the card you want as confirmation that this is so. Now is a time to let love flow freely trusting that you are your lover's Beloved.

Past fears and wounds have been identified, exposed, healed... Bitterness and resentment have been disarmed. You both have the courage to be vulnerable and honest about your emotions.

Enjoy the fulness of your emotions, knowing that they are OK - even the darker ones... there is no judgement. And behold, without judgement all is transformed, all is love... Be free with your expression.

You'll now be glad that you didn't bottle your emotions up or try to smooth things over. All those fights, arguments and discussions helped peel away the different masks you were showing to the world and to each other. You have now learned to engage with the Beloved in awareness. There is no need for angry words because you see when your own inner child comes out to play, and you are aware when your lover pushes your ego buttons. You own your emotions and lovingly shine the Light of your Spirit on them.

Allow your love the fullness of its expression - hearts wide open. You are safe. You are loved.

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more."
-- Erica Jong

6 of Cups Reversed - Dreaming

"Our truest life is when we are in our dreams awake." -- Henry David Thoreau

I woke up this morning after having dreamed of a friend I haven't seen in about 15 years and I knew I'd pull the 6 of Cups as my card of the day. However, I didn't expect it to turn up reversed. I now have a new interpretation to add to my list for the 6 of Cups Rx: dreaming of people from the past... and possible dreaming alternate reality... what things could have been like... as a way of learning more, growing the soul in even more directions...

It wasn't a dream of pleasure and nostaliga either (6 of Cups upright), but more of gritty reality... only it never happened! Or did it... elsewhere?

It's a beautiful multiverse and I never cease to be in awe of creation.

Are there any lucid and/or prophetic dreamers out there? I'd love to hear from you! Did you learn to dream lucidly or were you born with the ability? Have you reconnected with people from the past because of a dream? Was it a positive experience?

I would also love to hear from those of you who have had the experience of appearing in another person's dream. This has only happened to me once that I'm aware of... I found myself out in a battlefield, in a soldier's dream. I sat down next to him. I can't remember what we spoke of but we watched as the bombs came down over the desert. He was smoking a cigarette, and I remember thinking, "How odd... What am I doing here?"

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." -- Edgar Allan Poe

7 of Pentacles - Patience

I want to begin today's post by thanking all my readers and friends for their support during the past couple of days. My heartfelt gratitude, love and blessings to all of you!

The card of the day keeps us in the family of Coins but the emphasis is not on giving and receiving as much as on patience and reaping what one has sowed. The astrological correspondence is Saturn (planet of limitations and responsibility) in Taurus (sign of material comforts, sensuality, stubbornness and dependability).

I wake up this morning and the dark clouds have lifted. I wash the anxiety after a night's tossing and turning off my face and step outside into the orchard. Across the fields to the west I see the figure of a man approaching. The first rays of the morning sun hit his face and he pulls the cap down to shield his eyes without slowing his steady pace.

He is the workman I hired to come and help me with the apple picking.

As he steps onto the path that leads up to the old cottage, I see that there is something familiar about him... his gait... My heart skips a beat... He looks up to greet me and I nearly faint... He is not the workman I hired, he is my husband, the love of my life! He was declared missing in action 12 years ago...

Now I can start rebuilding my life. Now I finally feel strong enough to do the work that I came here to do.

5 of Pentacles - Nothing is ever lost in the eyes of God

'A lighter card would have been nice!' was my first thought when I pulled the 5 of Pentacles from the Legacy of the Divine Tarot this morning -- especially after dealing with the 10 of Swords yesterday. But I will just have to keep making lemonade when life hands me lemons... Besides, I know that those lemons are coming at me because I'm too focused on lemons. As within, so without...

I've lost something, someone... and I don't know what to do about it. I had the love and devotion of a person who is no longer interested and it hurts, especially since I still love him. And to add insult to injury I also lost my MSN password this morning. I can't check my email! I've tried resetting the password, but the process doesn't seem to be working. You used to be able to get to a 'secret answer' page but now all you get is a request for an alternative email to send the new password to. Well, if I had one I can't remember what it is!

It's ironic that this is all happening because I wanted to implement the safety measure of changing my password every 78 days. My computer keeps me logged in to MSN live all the time so I never have to use my password and that's why I forgot.

Naturally, losing my love didn't happen because of the above mentioned combination of early onset alzheimer and MSN being t*ats for overcomplicating things, but it seems significant that it is all happening within such a short period of time... I should have known when the 10 of Swords showed up yesterday morning. Well, I actually did know but I didn't want to face it. All 10's speak of endings... and also of new beginnings... but I'm getting ahead of myself. First I need to deal with the grief that is symbolised by the 5 of Pentacles.

I'm grieving the transition from feeling loved and safe to feeling rather insignificant.

The crux of the lost love was a decrease in the flow of communication, so it's apt that I've now also lost my email account. Feeling cut off... cast away... not important... helpless... unloved...

Did I implement a relationship safety measure that made me lose my love? Did I try too hard to be in control? Maybe... I can't think straight right now... I probably shouldn't even be blogging... but then it feels kind of good to be vulnerable on here too. We're human together. I hurt too. I need help too sometimes. Maybe this is just the sort of thing I need to do to get over myself and my saviour complex.

I don't know what to do. I can't get to the 'secret answer' page... I've lost my love and I've lost a way of communicating... but nothing is ever lost in the eyes of God. I will seek comfort behind that stained glass window. I will knock and be admitted back into the warmth. I will look around and see that I am surrounded by friends and fellow travellers, and humbled I will persevere.

Ten of Swords - The only way is up!

“The depth of darkness to which you can descend and still live is an exact measure of the height to which you can aspire to reach.” -- Laurens Van Du Post

The above quote is from the companion book to the Legacy of the Divine Tarot and beautifully illustrates the lesson of the 10 of Swords, aka 'rock bottom.' The pain here is real and undeniable... The good news is that the only way now is up!

Sometimes the journey from the Ace of Swords (Wednesday's post) to the 10 of Swords is a very short one. Sometimes it takes years for us to get from A to B. Sometimes the 10 of Swords space becomes chronic, as in the case of mental illness, but even for a person who suffers with chronic depression or anxiety there is hope. I know - I used to suffer from both! It started in early childhood because of circumstance I will not go into here, and it took me nearly 30 years to lift myself out of this chronic state of feeling cut off and fearful.

“Darkness is only driven out with light, not more darkness.” -- Martin Luther King Jr

Not long ago, a friend of mine wrote to me asking how she could overcome her anxiety. Below is the reply I sent to her. It's not by any means exhaustive or meant to replace medical treatment, but contains a list of 10 simple things that anyone can do for themselves and that I have found to be the most helpful on my personal journey to health and wholeness:

"The first step for me was believing that I have the power to change my thoughts. I will pray for grace to flood you with this belief... no fear will have the power to stand in the way of this revelation because it is the Truth.

The second step is to nurture yourself in every way you can. The 10 things that get the most points for me are:

* Getting enough sleep and going to bed around 10 PM every night, preferably with a hot bath beforehand to help you relax.

* Daily prayer and meditation (a set routine)

* Avoiding caffeine and sugar (this can be reintroduced once the anxiety has subsided)

* Getting enough daylight directly on your retina, i.e. you need to spend some time outside around noon during the winter months - a minimum of 30 minutes!

* Getting as much laughter in as possible a day. Get some comedies in on DVD. Get together with friends that make you laugh.

* Connect with your life's purpose. If you don't know where to begin, simply use the affirmation 'I am deeply connected with my life's purpose on every level of my being' during your regular meditation time.

* Honour your inner voice and keep your word to yourself.

* Realise that you are going through these dark spaces in order to grow your soul and to be better equipped to help others.

* Be ready to let go/die at every moment. Learn to think of death with acceptance.

* Live in the NOW.

Some people suffer more from the fear of death than others. My friend wanted to know how she would be able to overcome this fear and think of death with acceptance... This is part of my reply:

"You do not need to dwell on thoughts of death. We all go when we are meant to go. There is nothing random about it. Death is not the end, only another beginning. Your soul knows this. Now let go of the thought... but if the thought should return uninvited see it as being a reminder of how precious each day is and give thanks.

Each birth (and death is a birth to Spirit) brings tremendous joy and reunion. There will be a time to celebrate all that we have learned this time around.

Do not be paralyzed. Get busy living your life's purpose... Get busy being you... the gift you are to the world."

There is much I could add to the above (oh, I feel a book coming on!), and I would love to hear from you what tools, techniques, home remedies etc you find most helpful in healing from anxiety, depression and panic attacks. Do you use the Tarot to help you identify core issues? Let me know how you implement the Tarot in healing the mind and emotions!

One of the most helpful healing techniques that I am using at the moment is EFT - I simply cannot recommend it highly enough! Click on the link and learn to tap for yourself. Within minutes you will be able to calm yourself and permanently change your self-talk (the source of either all our negativity or all our positivity).

“Success comes from taking the initiative and following up... persisting... eloquently expressing the depth of your love. What simple action could you take today to produce a new momentum toward success in your life?” -- Anthony Robbins